I think Jason woke up this morning and decided that today he is not going to eat. He was very defiant, very agro and not interested in even trying with much at all. We didn’t even attempt play picnic because he was not interested in anything, just pap really.
We did try at breakfast, which he was not interested. I tried him later with yogurt and he was not having that either. I did manage to get him to taste it at least by sticking his finger in the yogurt then in his mouth.
This afternoon he did perk up a little and had a few sips of coke and fanta grape. I tried him with milk tart, banana, biscuits, nik naks. But he wanted nothing at all. After his afternoon nap he was a lot better because he had some rehydrat while asleep via the tube.
I cannot tell you how hard it is being a mother and watching your child starving and refusing to eat. Something that is meant to be the most natural thing in the world. We are all born with the instinct to eat. Jason had it obviously but with all his history of reflux and tube feeding eating is the most unnatural thing in the world. It’s hard knowing we are on day 12 and all he has "eaten" is a few spoons of jelly, 2 pieces of pop corn and a couple of chips. It kills me to watch him and to go through this. My heart is sore. I think what made it harder for me was the fact that we had such a good day yesterday and today the bubble has been burst basically. I know, tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow we could have a good eating day. We have made huge progress yes but all I want now is for Jason to turn the corner and eat - why is that so much to ask for???
A mother’s natural instinct is to nurture, care for, love and feed their child. Unfortunately I have had to change all of that during this wean and Jason has to do the eating for himself. I can’t do it for him. It’s tough standing back watching him hungry, losing weight and getting weak. We have done this before when we went to Graz in 2010 and we have to do it again just so our little man can lead a normal life.
He also sounds a bit chesty tonight and I had to nebulize him so that is a big worry for me as well. I just hope and pray that it’s just in the throat and tomorrow he will wake up fine and happy and hungry and willing to eat.
Well let me get some rest as well. Tomorrow is another day! Tomorrow we could have a brilliant day, who knows??