Days become night, nights become day. As I sit here rubbing my little mans back my only form of comfort for him. How I wish I was the one going through the pain, agony, uncomfortableness, the gagging, the sore tummy. I know though that it's not mine to endure but my hand, my rub, my touch is the only form of comfort I can give him. I know God is watching over him, over us. As I touch his body God knows what healing is needed. God gives me comfort. God gives Jason comfort through my touch.
I often play Adele's song remedy, the words imprinted in my mind. How I am Jason's remedy, how as much as I don't have superpowers, what I do have is the strength, love and determination that only this mommy knows to keep fighting for him, for his illnesses, for him to get better. I am his remedy. I am his comfort, his advocate, his support, his mommy. He will get better, I know he will. This is not the end of the world, I know it's not. This too shall pass and we will be back to picking up the pieces of normal life like nothing happened BUT these experiences, these scares, this stress you never forget. They are forever imprinted in my heart, in my mind. Just breathe!!
Today I don't feel like wearing my cape, today I don't feel like being superhuman, being super mommy but unfortunately this mommy doesn't have much choice, this mommy must wear her invisible cape, hold my head up high, keep strong for my Jason, for my family and face the challenges head on. I know I have the strength, the power and the determination to keep strong for Jason. I know that I can do it 😊. It's just some days you JUST don't feel like it. Today is one of those days. Am I depressed? Am I down? NO I am fine! I am not the depressive type so stop before you judge my state of mine. I am just having a moment and putting my thoughts to paper. I am not looking for attention, I am not looking for sympathy. I am just a human wanting to do normal human things. I want to go to work today. I want Jason to go to school. I just want a NORMAL day like any other normal day. You know how you say it's difficult to explain unless you are in the situation well this is one of those situations. Unless you are walking in my shoes you will never understand. Some people obviously do, most parents that have sick kids would. When you have a special needs child no day is normal. When you have a sick child, a sick husband/wife, a sick mother/ father that YOU are caring for NO day is normal. NO day is and only you can keep strong and keep going.
Who knows what today could bring. We could end up in hospital because he needs a drip. We could end up at the doctors rooms hoping for some miracle drug that we haven't tried, hoping that Jason's amazing pediatrician can fix him. We could end up having a good day with this gagging and discomfort suddenly gone. Who knows. That's Jason for you. One moment he can be so sick then all of a sudden totally fine. One moment totally fine and the next moment so sick. This little body of his needs complete healing and is something I pray for every day. Join me in prayer for Jason. Pray for a miracle, pray for complete healing over his little body and pray for me, this mommy that goes through every little bit of uncomfortableness that he goes through.
So if I have to wear my invisible cape today, so be it but I will not be doing it alone! I have God by my side giving me comfort, giving me strength, giving me determination and I have my family and friends with me every step of the way. Giving me encouragement and words of wisdom and comfort. You may not understand what I am going through but try and put yourself in my shoes and try and understand what it is like having a sick child, not having a "normal" life, an easy life and now start praying for us!
This mommy WILL wear her cape today but hopefully it won't be needed!!!